Hahaha God you gotta be kidding me.

Again again again

I don’t know how to respond, right here and right now.

Where have you been
O so far away you’ve gone
But He’ll take you back
As long as you entreat
He will relent

So amazing, God’s love.
2 Kings 21 &
2 Chronicles 33

Manasseh, Manasseh. God loves you.

Sometimes God’s so real I can feel Him in those quiet moments reading His word or journalling at macs. I am slightly overwhelmed when I feel Him coming over me, changing me. My heart moves as I behold his love and mercy for me. His sacrifice on the cross, preempted and finished long before time began. I feel the joy as He shows me the beauty of His promises and love. It is a strange unspeakable feeling. I fall in love with God.

Something God is teaching me is about this love relationship with God. Love takes two. It takes effort on both sides. If God didn’t want to have a relationship with us we would never find Him. He must make the move, and letting me fall in love with Him as He wins us over.

Sometimes I wonder why can’t God just force Himself on us. A lot less of us would miss Him out if He did. But as He teaches me about this love relationship with Him I begin to understand why-

No one likes the domineering sort. I can’t imagine if someone forced himself on me. Forced his love on me, forced me to love him. He probably wouldn’t succeed, and I’d hate being obligated with all that ‘love stuff’ for him. To be trapped into the routine of having to love.

God however would succeed if He wanted to. Blow me away with just a tiny spark of His power. But that wouldn’t be love. And as He lets me go and I let Him take over the love can grow.

Sometimes i wonder when to draw the line in letting go and letting God.

“If you love her let her go. If she doesn’t come back she was never yours. If she comes back she’s yours forever”

Some people get into relationships and all that to prepare for ‘the one’. I find learning to love God and letting God love you is the best preparation for all relationships in life. Not that it should be the point. But a life of love is a life in Christ…

So if you’re reading this,
let Him love you. You’ll be amazed.

Say of him what you like,
But i know my child’s failings.
I do not love him because he is good,
But because he is my child.
How can you know how sweet he is,
When all you do is measure the good and the bad?
When i must punish him,
He becomes even more a part of me.
When i make him weep, I weep with him.
I alone have the right to judge him,
For only he who loves may chastise.

Something shared during the Young Adult Leaders meeting on Sat:
Deuteronomy 31- the time where God commissioned Joshua to succeed Moses as the next leader of Israel, and Joshua took on the role, in the know of the future rebellion of the nation.
The question then posed to us was if we would still serve in a ministry that seemingly will not “flourish” in the future.

X’s sharing at struck a chord with me; the approximate words (do correct me if i’m wrong) were,”I asked God why all my ministries would fail even after all the effort i’ve put in…”

Anyway the words “my ministry” stuck out like a sore thumb throughout the meeting.

So often we label ministries that we’re in as “my ministry” when in actuality, control over them is God’s- He is the ultimate decision maker and the one who’s supposed to chair all the meetings.

It was good anyway, because i came out of the meeting while conversant with God; so i’m just going to leave a thought-

If asked if one would put the same amount of effort into a ministry to change a single life, almost everybody would probably say yes.
Well, what if that life was yours?

And that, i figure, is the invaluable gift from God that we get from partnering Him.

I’m contemplating going to KL from 22 Nov-27 Nov.
It’s crazy, cos i have an exam on the 30th.

Incentive/Pressure- The exams & The lack of a holiday in December
Opportunity- The 11 day “break” in between my 2 papers
Rationalization- Well… It’s quiet up there. And i get to study in a conducive environment, relax & do my QT by the poolside. Plus there’s a gym and aunty Sim’s cooking =) Oh oh, and i may even get to catch up with Huisan and study with her! muahaha.

Hmm. Sounds so good. i’m convincing myself more each moment. Heh.
Very likely this will materialise. Anyone interested in joining me? Haha.

UPDATE:
Ok scrapped- Plans for retreat in KL.

I forgot that i’m going to be moving house on the 23rd.
How to audit?

Looks like i was wrong (didn’t weigh the risk and materiality of my decision).
But oh well. The planning process was fun, while it lasted.

GOD!

Maybe it’s going to be true, whatever fears i have right now.

I want to believe.
But slowly and as surely as the daisy sheds its petals,
who’s to know if tears don’t accompany their fall?

That said, youth cell on Sunday was good =)
I can’t wait to start diving into God’s word!

Jesus, you make it all better.
Always, it’s you, you who have won my heart.

Sometimes it seems as though i’m drifting further away from the people who matter. Or is it happening the other way around?

I guess that’s how things work, perhaps. You have to shift your focus to other things, somehow, sometime. One can’t keep a hold on anything in this world, because of one simple reason- all things are temporal.
Even Christ’s disciples couldn’t hold on to Jesus. He had a purpose to fulfill, and fulfill it He did, leaving the disciples -no not to huddle- but to go out and win the nations for Christ.

Living life wanting certain things to stay a certain way doesn’t keep things stagnant; things change (and they have to), albeit us being creatures of habit. It’s just that sometimes certain things are harder to accept than others, but that’s the way it is. One day it’ll be just like how grandma and grandpa used to talk about- having to flip through newspapers and seeing familiar faces. How scary (only if they don’t know the God i do).

How now brown cow?