feelings

Google can’t even give me an answer as to why I feel this way :(

I hate the wondering and pondering and all that keeps me thinking about it.

:( boo

What Abram heard

“I will make you into a great nation…and you will be a blessing…and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you.”

Many times I wonder how Abram knew the voice of Jehovah when he was told to leave. Then again, Noah was still around when Abram grew up. In fact, he had contact with every single ancestor up to his great great great great great great great great grandfather. Train a child up in the ways of the Lord and when he is old he shall not depart from it. The story of Noah’s ark is told countless times today as a bedtime story. It happened to Noah, who lived to tell the tale, and to many that tale became folklore. For Abram it was a wonder, and a lesson learnt of how a God could bless a man who listened and obeyed. And so he did.

Very often days pass before a testimony becomes a forgotten past. Tales can be told of wondrous God-encounters but they slip through the crevices of a heart that saves room for promises of other fairy-tales to enter in. It takes a heart with a storage to act in faith- a heart with a place for God’s words to take root so in its fleeting, it doesn’t run too far away. And when God speaks -through circumstances in life- the heart knows and obeys. 

Bummed

Lord I find You in the seeking 
Lord I find You in the doubt 
And to know You is to love You 
And to know so little else 

I need You 
Oh how I need You

Resolve

Easier to run away than to say i’ll stay.

But what if His blessings come through raindrops, and His healing through tears?

What if the scars of this life are His blessings in disguise?

Doubt

Sam told me yesterday that the thing that touched him most about the talk was how God gave us each a measure of faith, and also a portion of doubt. 

Doubt so faith is not without reason -God gives us reason to believe him-, yet

He gives us doubt so we need faith. 

Got wind of an exciting piece of news over the weekend, yet the euphoria from the news masks a lingering sense of disappointment brought from the past. 

Somehow i thank God for being able to feel how i do now, because it shoves a kind of reality into my head (and heart).

I imagine how difficult it must be for you.