Memory

Whatsapp.IG.Email.Whatsapp.IG.Webby.Whatsapp.

I forget.

There’s something about multi-tasking that’s just scary for me. I keep pockets of information in goodness knows where in my brain and then activate it, second after second. It was scary because for the past month or so i’ve noticed my short term memory deteriorating. I would remember to do something, and on my way (digitally) to doing it, I would do something else real quick – like check a text or an app or whatever unimportant distraction – and it would be too late.

I forget.

So it’s scary, is it me getting older, or just me not having enough sleep?

It got me thinking about what i’d want future me to remember: the days I’d had with my grandparents whilst growing up. Crazy fun with my siblings. Friendships. My wedding/marriage. My holidays with the best bunch of peeps. There’s a lot to be grateful for there.

A friend once told me, “all we’re doing, is making memories.”

Indeed. But we don’t get to choose what to remember, and that’s the deal. We don’t simply forget what we choose to let go, and I guess, that’s tough. Sometimes I react a certain way towards something, or someone, and my thoughts find themselves wandering to that point in time something similar happened, which has then determined the path future me would tread on. I wish I could forget, let live, and be the better person, but, it’s hard.

What do I want to remember, in future when I look back on this day, this period when I’m grappling with this huge sense of loss? Not another ‘statistic’ to add to my list of sob stories for sure. So Lord, this is me asking for you to breathe life into these dry bones, bones that have been scotched and burnt from my past gullibility. Help me to remember what You can do. I trust you, I do.

leaving behind the 20s

This is really the last stretch of officially ‘being in my 20s’.

I don’t usually count down, but its 19 days till i complete my 29 years and 12 months. Honestly i don’t know how to feel about that. It’s not really a big thing tbh, but at the same time it doesn’t feel insignificant. I did start out my year last October with some goals set for myself. But it’s not just the goals in the last year (though they are telling of what i’ve not done in my 20s) but rather it’s the hope that what i’ve learnt and how i’ve grown and what i’ve achieved in the last 10 years are enough for me to say that i’ve had a good run of a decade.

I have enough experience to know that birthdays come and go. One day is nothing and is over in the blink of an eye. I hope to spend the next 3 weeks being more reflective and to process the times of my life. Relish in gratefulness, in blessings and in failures. There will be burning issues that i will take with me over to my 30s, but also moments of memories made with family and friends.

Have i lived life fully, a life for others but also a life of self-care?

Have i pushed myself, into a life beyond comfort but also into a life of contentment?

Have i loved, and been loved?

 

In need of answers

A slowed life is not a sloth life.

I am racing, as usual, for seasons once past will never return. This time, trying to bring people alongside on the journey.

How does a slowed life look like, when there’s so much to do and so much urgency in the mission?

Remove the paraphernalia, and is there still the desire for loving union? While it should always be the seed, the foundation, shouldn’t it always bear forth in a glorifying holy ambition?

How does one judge the fruit if the fruit is deemed any less in this season we are in?